Improving Communication Part 1: Listening

How many times have you been interrupted mid-thought by someone assuming they know what you will say and try to respond to what they think you want to hear? Or, do you find yourself talking over other people with regularity? Since most work has moved to a virtual environment this year, we rely on video meetings and phone calls to convey our messages. 

We learn how to communicate when we are young children. Some people might assume that we know how to effectively communicate as adults. However, we consistently fall prey to miscommunication. It seems we should think of communication as a continually evolving skill that deserves maintenance activities. Communication is more like learning to drive. We learn the basic skills as a teenager, we can take courses to continually improve how we drive and reduce the risk of accidents.

Think of this series as an advanced driver’s course on communication. We’re going to take a deep dive into listening, effective communication, feedback, and having difficult conversations. This is a 4-part series to give enough time to explore each piece. We’ll begin with listening.

Listening is an exercise of patience. Our fast-paced world has given us permission to minimize conversation time by any means. This has led to inconsiderate interactions where people interrupt each other, make assumptions, and even talk over each other. These results disrupt the thought process of the speaker and can make it so a whole group cannot hear the message. It can cause confusion if the person interrupting is incorrect.

Mindfulness

One way we can set ourselves up for successful listening is with a mindfulness routine. Mindful meditation can help teach you to relax the mind from racing thoughts and focus on one thing. Mindfulness is the practice of recognizing and labeling the physical and emotional feelings in the body. This is another thing that we have cut out time for with our busy schedules. With practice, people can start to identify the types of thoughts associated with anxiety or fear. It’s about labeling the emotion and allowing it to move on. It can be compared to watching a car drive by. You notice that it is red and going fast. You don’t chase after it to continue assessing it; you allow it to drive by.

Create Time for Conversations

It’s a good idea to make sure you have carved out enough time to have the conversation. If you, as the speaker, know you have a lot to say on the subject, respectfully ask if your audience has 15 minutes. You may need to schedule a meeting with this person to allow the right amount of time to get the idea presented. Also, keep the discussion on topic. Ask if you can table those issues for another appointment to remain on task. If you are trying to listen and don’t have time, speak up and ask to set a meeting for later. Reassure the person that their ideas are important to you, but you have a deadline.

Listen to Understand

As the receiver of the message, remind yourself to slow down and focus on the speaker. Listen with the intention to summarize what the speaker is saying. I often treat people like I am listening to a podcast. That way, I don’t try to interrupt. I am waiting for the speaker to ask a question before I respond. Also, try to take notes. Writing out those thoughts can help to feel like you won’t forget your ideas to share and keep you from interrupting. If you realize the idea is not valid, you can cross it off. I like to think about how I am presenting myself as a listener. What is my body language saying? For example, uncrossing your arms can help your body relax and receive messages more willingly.

Practice

The last thing that will help you become a better listener is to PRACTICE! This is not a change that happens quickly. Give yourself a break. Apologize when you recognize you have interrupted. Try this during conversations with friends and family. These are the people who will forgive you more easily.

Listening is a skill that is overlooked as a way to improve communication. It is a foundation piece of communication, providing the information to talk about. Take the time to listen. It shows people that their message is important to you.